I want that one, I can't have it, but I WANT IT!

In all my years of being 'on the market' (if I could put it that way), I have constantly struggled to understand the following: Why is it that, the men you are interested in, never even bat an eyelid in your direction, BUT the men you only see as 'friend material', make every overboard and irritating attempt to force their interest and ongoing-affection down your throat? We can't always blame Murphey's Law for this....

I've had my fair share of crushes in the last couple of years and I tend to go for the 'off-the-wall' types, the types your typical female wouldn't go for, look wise or personality wise. An example: Edward Norton? (Even though he doesn't have any piercings or tattoos, and he doesn't look like he has much of a personality either, I'm just trying to create a mental image.) Now, since my tastes are not exactly on the mark, like most of the other women, you'd think that some of them would have some sort of interest. Uh uh. Apparently it doesn't work like that. Many a time have I seen a guy who I thought was attractive and there was obviously something about his whole deal that made me interested, but they either can't seem to pick that up or they are brick walls. (I tell myself that, since it sounds better than them just plain, not being interested.)

As a female, you think to yourself: What is this guy's case? I am moderately attractive, I look after my appearance (yes, mines a bit more radical than most other women, whatever floats your boat), I have a sense of humor and a personality and I'm pretty down to earth, is he incapable of seeing that? What guy wouldn't want that? Unfortunately, we all have to face the fact that you obviously just don't do it for him, if you don't, someone else does.I must admit that I haven't met a male in a long time that has my complete and utter attention, I guess I can blame the fact that I am rather particular, but I tend to get bored very quickly. (I lie, I've maybe met two guys in the last couple of years and guess what? The one - not interested, the other - overseas. See the problem?) Although they are awesome friends, would it ever have crossed that friendship line? Probably not.

Now, you get the guys who are into you, like you're a new element in their boring lives, that they seem to think could solve all their problems. Unfortunately, you don't see it that way and you'd probably end up killing them in the first couple of hours of the relationship or you won't even attempt a partnership because you are just not attracted, there is something about them you don't want to deal with, as bad as that sounds.

I have many guy friends, and I love them all, but you know when the odd one or two is into you and without fail, they will attempt to try anything to make you notice it. Whether it be offering to pay entrance to something of a more discreet gesture like: "I have this family thing to go to and I've told all of them about you" - that means his whole family is aware of the fact that he is into you and he's probably told them we will end up together - AVOID THAT SITUATION LIKE A ZOMBIE YOU HOPEFULLY WON'T MEET IN A DESERTED AREA. What makes it more difficult, is that you are friends with them (and not friends for the last couple of months, friends for years, as in high school, even pre-school or primary school) so, when you feel that they are leading themselves on (without you), you need to be able to break it to them lightly, with the hope of not ruining a long-term friendship.(The 'I really see you as a great friend, unfortunately nothing else' spiel has become to close for comfort with me). If it was some random I met one night, I'd have no skaam in saying that it's not going any further. If he doesn't like it, he can throw the hurtful attempts my way and move on. (depending whether a first date is worth it or not, you never know how it could work out, so most of the cannot say I never gave them a shot, in all fairness.)

I will say that this seems to be one of my main problems when dealing with men. I met one of my best guy friends on Zoosk (strangely). To cut a long story short, we are both mutual friends with another good friend of mine and we will probably end up being friends through marriage, kids and hopefully not, a divorce. He, I can credit, hasn't done anything to put me off. Thanks Gio, you rock! ;)

Whereas, the numerous amounts of other friends irritate me. They are awesome guys and whoever they land up with, better appreciate them, but they are just not for me. I don't even consider giving it a shot because there is just nothing there. I do feel sorry for these guys, because I know how it feels, but there comes a time when the physical gestures and the comments become too much and you need to put your foot down. Do you think this works? No, it really doesn't. So, you learn to adapt a filtering system in your head, where the comments fly past without you noticing it and you carry on being friends until they give up. (Some of them haven't and I just let it go over the top of my head, what else is there to do?)

Eventually, if it doesn't stop, you just get irritable and hanging out with them becomes a mission, so you end up avoiding that and try to distance yourself slowly. (If any of them are reading this, appreciate the immense effort you've made, you show initiative.)

The same happens when you go out. You'll be sitting with friends and you've noticed a few guys you would be interested in, but without fail, the last ones you would ever look at, goes for it. What irritates me, is that if they can't get your attention, they'll drag themselves and a poor friend of theirs, and come stand directly in your field of vision (this happened to me on Friday night), so I had to turn my sitting position in another direction until he picked up on the hostility. That didn't work, since I was facing the dance floor, guess who thought it would be a smart move, breaking out the dance moves? (Eventually he gave up and went on to chase a teenage girl.)

Now, imagine if the guys you are attracted to, made this much effort?? We'd constantly have a smile on our faces and everything would be peaches and cream, YET we would probably get bored very quickly, so where is the balance? (I feel sorry for these model-looking women, how do they know when a guy is interested in anything other than their looks? It's probably a hard life for them.)

I suppose it makes it all worth it, when someone is as attracted to you, as you are to them, you feel like you've finally got somewhere (the happiness might end there, because of his issues or cheating habits, this could unravel in the following weeks), but at least you have something to write home about.

Unfortunately, I attract all the wrong types of men. I will admit, that my appearance must be part of this disastrous equation, but I am sure if my skin was bare naked and I had a full head of hair, it wouldn't be any better. I've experienced everything from self-kept secret druggies, to losers who will never get anywhere in life to assholes who think they can cheat in a small place, like Fish Hoek. So, if an attractive male does make an effort, I always question it, unfortunately, out of habit. One night stand? Thinks he can f*ck me over? Rebound? Show-off to his friends? The list goes on and on. They really don't have anyone to blame but themselves, or their fellow-males. If they are that interested, they will make the effort to prove me wrong..... I have yet to be proven wrong....

Another experience: This oke was clearly in love with me, and although I would never touch him and he probably knew this, he thought arrogance and sexism was attractive - BIG MISTAKE! If your looks weren't the problem, then the above would be. Men seem to get nasty, when they realize that they can't have what they want, so do women, but we are more discreet and our way of venting would be bitching about it to the other females, not like these men who do it directly to their love interest - brave, you are very brave or either extremely stupid, you've buried yourself a hole for that casket before you've actually died.

So, as a single female, you have to be able to deal with this shit. If you had a boyfriend, he'd be a big enough excuse for them to disappear and suffer in their own silence, well some of them. Boyfriends don't seem to be a good enough excuse sometimes, especially nowadays. I will say, it is an interesting experience and you become immune to all of it, as well as learning how to deal with the different awkward situations. I suppose you learn something new every day, even if it drains your energy and makes you irritable on a daily basis ;)