I swear this blog is not a feminist attempt, BUT.....

I swear this blog is not a feminist attempt, but I seem to have all these ‘men-related’ issues. Sadly most of them mine, with a few friend’s experiences thrown in. I take my hat off to these women.

Right, so you meet this oke. He’s obviously attractive (otherwise you wouldn’t bother) and the two of you have to share some interest, whether it be music or the fact that you two are complete gym-bunnies. Whatever the case, something has got the whole process in gear.

So, he makes an immense effort to keep your attention and to avoid your eyes wandering elsewhere. You appreciate all the ‘romantic gestures’ and you start to get those damn butterflies. He says all the right things. This is the start of the ‘Honey-Moon-&-Tropical-Beaches’ stage. Yes, us females love it and it’s your way of reeling us in. (Please don’t get me wrong, there are the few men who are constantly like this, the majority, unfortunately are not.)

Two-three months into the relationship, the two of you are more comfortable with each other and the slightly less attractive aspects about each other, starts to reveal themselves. Whether it be the fact that he snores ridiculously loud or the simple fact that you have no respect for his personal space, by leaving tampons and make-up all over his bathroom. These, at this point, seem to be bearable and you go on, gritting your teeth.

Then comes the point where comfortable should be in capital letters (this is obviously a year onwards).  She does not put as much effort in to her appearance and he doesn’t make the effort to make her feel special, simply because she’s not making an effort and simply because he’s not making an effort. A vicious cycle. (Going to Pick n Pay in her tracksuit seems plausible to her and him not even making an effort on Valentine’s day, seems to be the norm.)

I have more male friends than female, so, unwillingly I get the brunt of their dilemmas. I will get a BBM message at 2 in the morning asking: “Why won’t she put out anymore?” or “Why doesn’t she dress sexy anymore?”. This, to them, is obviously an urgent enough question to wake me up in the early hours. Every time, I ask them this: “ARE YOU MAKING THE EFFORT YOU MADE IN THE BEGINNING?” With a few minutes in between, the answer, without fail, is “NO”. There you have it: Your chick would rather get fat by eating junk food and watching movies, than going (in a hurry) to the nearest lingerie section IF YOU ARE NOT MAKING HER FEEL SPECIAL OR SEXY ABOUT HERSELF. (That junk food is more of a comfort to her than you are, TRUTH.) I am not excusing females at all, we have our own issues worth bitching about, but since I am female, I’m bitching on the male’s angle.

Then we have birthdays and Valentine’s Days. So many of my male friends ask “What’s the point of celebrating these for her if she doesn’t make an effort?” Well maybe she knows you won’t put any effort in to start with, so therefore she won’t make an effort herself, see where I am going with this?

I know someone (and I’m not saying it’s me) who never received anything for two Valentine’s Days in a row. Not even a cup of coffee in bed or a ‘Happy Valentines Day babe’. Nada. Zip. Nothing. Why? Because he was ‘broke’, apparently a cup of coffee and a romantic cuddle in bed costs nowadays. Hence, he didn’t get anything from his chick (sex wise) for the next three months. It’s his own fault. The sad thing is, you hear how special Valentine’s Day is for your friends and the shitty experience you had makes you feel so wonderful about yourself (sarcasm). I will add that this friend’s mother heard he did nothing for Valentine’s Day and she went out and got something for him to give her, HOW BAD AND EMBARRESSING IS THAT?!

But what I’ve noticed is, that say you break up before a Valentine’s Day or a birthday and you end up taking him back, those are the times to milk it, because the romantic gestures and the presents flow like a flooding river, weird how it works hey?

(I was going to add that just after we got back together, it was my 21^st, from which work was way more important to him and he ended up missing all of it, arriving when everything was being cleaned up. I have never experienced such disappointment in my life.)

I’m really not being bitter about my ex’s or my friends ex’s, I am just trying to put across the point that if you don’t make the effort (deep in the relationship) like you did in the beginning, don’t expect the other to make an effort. THIS APPLIES TO BOTH MALES AND FEMALES. Unfortunately, guys are visual, they need their chicks to make an effort with appearance in order to feel proud and chicks need to feel special, through affection, words etc. I bet you if you were a hobo ( a male hobo) and you showed a woman how special she really is, she wouldn’t have a problem being a hobo with you. In all honesty. I wouldn’t, if I could find a male that treated me great and made me feel special, I wouldn’t care about anything else and I would return everything back to him. A mutual relationship. Unfortunately, the great guys are the ones I am not attracted to, so everyone loses in this complete mess. It’s a tricky one.

So, there you are male friends, next time you feel the need to BBM me at 2am, rather visit my blog. If that doesn’t help, then I really don’t know ;)