Why do partners cheat? This, is a question, that unfortunately never seems to have a stable answer or conclusion. Especially to women
I, Cynical and somewhat sarcastic, have a theory. You might agree, you might disagree. That's your right. Here it goes...
Firstly, a male will either cheat because a) he's a born and bred asshole, with no respect for anyone but himself or b) he'll cheat because his chick doesn't give him what he needs. (This includes sex, affection, making an effort with her appearance and everything else they need in a relationship). I'm not in any way excusing males that cheat, but after thinking about this for some time, I do kind of get where they (the B kind) are coming from. The A kind deserve to be hung upside down and castrated.
I, being a female, will admit that I almost cheated on my last relationship. Why? Because we were both miserable and he was incapable of giving me what I needed, whereas I wasn't sure what was needed anymore. Therefore, as soon as that asshole, who knows all the right words and physical gestures, comes along, the weak will be weak. Unfortunately, I chose the ex over him. In a way I can thank this doos for the better life I have today. (To cut a long story short, I ended up seeing him months after the breakup and to my shocking discovery-sarcasm- he's as thick as a brick and your typical Fish Hoek asshole, but that's another story altogether.)
Men, I have learnt, need their chicks to make an effort (and I've gone on about this previously) but it's the facts. Male friends of mine have continuously bitched at me that their chicks made that effort in the beginning, giving them a boner every time they saw them, but when it gets to the serious stuff, the girlfriends suddenly stop making that effort, as if it's ok. The make-up gradually becomes less, the hair never gets done (unless a special occasion) and they buy comfortable clothes as opposed to the sexy clothes they wore to attract his attention. The lingerie is hidden in a drawer for months and is replaced but not-so appealing underwear. (You have prob gathered that lingerie is also only worn on special occasions or when she wants it badly. Which is a rare occasion and by this time, he's given up, so she needs to make an extra effort) I will admit too, that I gave up after a few months, to us, why kill yourself with the effort, when you know it's serious and he loves you? Shouldn't he be happy either way? Unfortunately not. It doesn't work that way. This, is one of the mistakes I made. I look back now and think OMG, how the hell could I be seen in public like that? And I do feel sorry for him, but that's all I'm going to grant him at this point.
Then there's the weight issue.Women, when secure and comfortable, do not bother with appearances (not all women, the majority.) I must have put on 20 kilos in my last relationship, because he didn't seem to mind and I love eating junk food. Only when it got to the end, did he inform me I was getting fat and needed to do something. Yes, he's an asshole and not in the best physical shape either, but I have a slight tendency to understand him. (Unluckily for him, I'm losing the weight now, like there's no tomorrow while he's getting fat, because mommy isn't there to cook so Nando's and Steers has become more convenient.) I have seen so many chicks pile on the kilos in secure relationships.The guy, obviously is not happy. But dare he say something, it's overs. The fireworks will go off. So, what situation are they forced into? BUT dare he get a beer boep or cut his hair in a way that she doesn't like, she'll have something to say.
So, if a male is unhappy with his chick's lack of efforts, his eyes will wander. Men are visually stimulated, which explains porn. (I've yet to meet a male who enjoys watching an obese woman in a porno movie, unless that does it for them, whatever floats your boat, I suppose.)
So, as I was saying, here's a hypothetical situation: A guy, who's chick is not making an effort in every aspect of the relationship, decides to go out with his male friends (randomly) one night, after the girlfriend has thrown a tantrum, and he happens to see a chick who takes pride in her appearance. Please try argue with me that he's not going to sit there and a) find her extremely appealing and b) wonder what he's done wrong in order for his chick to abandon the efforts this random chick seems to make on a daily basis? Now, what if they happen to start talking and she turns out to be an awesome chick, with massive sex appeal? I don't think I need to explain any further. (Btw, the appearance thing is not the only issue, the other issue would have to be a nagging girlfriend, who causes way too many problems for him to deal with. Get the picture?) How does this poor guy deal with it? If he truly loves his girlfriend, he might have the will power to walk away with only a flirt or a sexy look, but if he is truly unhappy and seems to think that this random girl might be able to give him what he's been missing out on and what he desperately needs (no one can point fingers), then you'll have a cheating male who doesn't know how to tell his girlfriend the next morning. Yes, he does have a conscience but what she was able to do for him in one night, which is probably enough to keep him going for the next few months. The looks, the sex appeal. The whole package. Unless he breaks up with his chick, this is likely to go on until they breakup. I think of it as a survival mechanism.
I do honestly and truly feel sorry for these men. And by god, I swear the next relationship I venture in, he will not have anything to complain about. I will go to bed wearing make-up if I have to. (Although, they say you should be able to wake up next to that person, dressed up or not.) I now, truly grasp this concept.
If us females, visually stimulate our men, he really won't have anything to complain about (unless you're starting to look anorexic, there's a fine line.) I'm sure the males reading this, will agree with me. I'm not meaning overboard effort, I mean doing your hair on a regular basis, wearing make-up and dressing in stuff other than sneakers and hoodies (those are only acceptable for college and going to music festivals).
So make an effort with your appearance, even if you are only going to the mall, buy lingerie every couple of months (they just need to accept the fact that lingerie does not come to play at that time of the month, they won't be getting anything anyway, so what's the problem?), put out on a regular basis (you should be enjoying it willingly like him, if not, there's a major problem) and make him proud to be with you. If you feel you've picked up some weight and you're not happy with it, DO SOMETHING about it. Join the gym or even start running. He will appreciate the fact that you're making an effort and you'll probably find he'll support you and get a gym contract too. There is nothing better than seeing a male super proud to be with his chick, it shows from a mile away. To him, it's a male thing and a 'f*ck you' to the other males, LOOK WHAT I'VE MANAGED TO CATCH (that, is not my area of expertise.)
This obviously doesn't give men free leeway to look like slobs. Men also need to realize that women need to be attracted to them, looks do play a small part. So if you are over weight, you don't shave for a year and you have beer stains on all your t-shirts, don't be surprised if she gives you an ultimatum or decides to leave. Why must she make so much effort if you can't?
All I have to say, is that the next guy I get involved with, will be as happy as a kid in a candy store. Not because it has to be done, but because I enjoy making that person happy and I see it as a responsibility to him. He has responsibilities on Valentine's Day and anniversaries. It just works that way.
The more effort you put in, the more romantic and creative he will be. You'd be surprised of the things he's capable of coming up with, you give him the motive and he'll provide the happiness.
(I really should be a guy, I'm probably going to get shot down by a horde of females)
;)
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